LLHotPinkLeah: Warrior Princess: THE COLD STAIRWAY: Five Years On

LLHotPinkLeah: Warrior Princess: THE COLD STAIRWAY: Five Years On: This was me 5 years ago, and as I am now. I've been on hormones for 4 years, and had Top (breast enhancement) Surgery a year ago. M...

THE COLD STAIRWAY: Five Years On

This was me 5 years ago, and as I am now. I've been on hormones for 4 years, and had Top (breast enhancement) Surgery a year ago. My skin is much softer, some say, my face appears more feminine (I have my doubts). Hormones have helped me gain more than 60 lbs, have not raised my voice, taken away my beard, or alleviated any of the the masculinizing puberty I endured, or given me back any of my hair on top. Hormones have not done all that much for me. I feel Transitioning to full time, and never needing to *hide* my true self, has done more for my chemical harmony in my brain (and sentience) than any hormone, could ever do. I was already at a state of feminine hormonal production, as my Doctor asked if I was lactating, when I moved to Portland.

Far more important than taking Estrogen, and Testosterone blockers, was **Coming Out of the Closet, and cease all lying about who I was**. The freedom to be me, is a daily drive to be my best true self....no chemicals can do that for me. The first half of my Surgical Journey, my Top Surgery, was a *big* uplift. I feel more congruent to my true self. My Bottom Surgery is vitally important, and is life saving for me.

I have been asked by some, to express how I feel about my transition, being 5 years into it. I must say that it has most definitely been the best 5 years of my life, without any doubt whatsoever. I am truly happy for the first time in my life. I do not regret a thing. I did *not* choose to do anything. I engaged my true-authentic self, and shed all guile, lying, and bearing false witness about myself. I am not hiding in any shadows (like from cars at 3 am). That is not a choice. That *is* acceptance of myself. Indeed, it is celebration of myself. I am letting my light so shine before the world.

Losing virtually everything I have ever known, was something I had to endure. I was a 50 year member of an "Out of Touch" Church, that is not receiving any revelation from God. They utterly rejected me, after having called me to Leadership. They called me an "Anti-Christ, a Demon, Getting my discernment and self awareness from Lucifer, destined for Outer Darkness, an Apostate, and that I will have my neck sliced through, and disemboweled. I call that a Cult. Only a Cult would require someone to put their own Salvation in jeopardy (to remain a liar), just for the comfortability of bigots.

In addition to my lifelong faith, I lost my 25 year Marriage (which had been essentially over for more than 18 years), and the rejection of my three daughters. I still have had no contact with them, 3000 miles away. Virtually no family or friends accepted me. I had the exact opposite with Co-Workers, Teammates, Board Members, and Political Friends. I enjoyed 100% acceptance from them. Unfortunately, I had to leave Ohio, for my own sanity. I did have my friend of 44 years, fully accept, and celebrate me. His Mom did, as well. I was even set to care for him as he suddenly became ill, and needed a Lung Transplant. Tragically, he passed away, in a rapid manner. I did not get to say goodbye to him.

Certainly I have had some setbacks, and feeling of depression, and anxiety, but none of it to do with transitioning to be myself. I have had suicidal ideations all of my life, and survived several attempts. I had to endure a 2 years toxic and abusive relationship, to discover I am co-dependent, and that I need to listen to my chosen family. I had a personal attack on me by narcissistic, and jealous folks that saw fit to sabotage my life here, put I have moved on and overcome such nonsense. 

It has been quite an amazing, and joyous adventure, so far. I am happy as never before. I am Positive, and Optimistic as never before. I am truly excited for the Undiscovered Country. I have so much life to live, and so much love to give. Just wait. Just wait till they really get a load outta me.

I want to thank all my Chosen Family and Friends for your continued and unwavering support and love for me. You have buttressed me from devastation, and lifted me from despair. I am grateful to have all of you in my life. I love each and every single one of you.

Faithfully Yours

Leah-Nora Isaak